Opinions are like assholes, and yadda yadda yadda.

There’re issues, and then there are Issues.

Eviction, I’ve found, is an Issue. Not just for the people experiencing it, though you would think they’d be the most important ones in the bunch. It seems only logical to make that assumption, something a rational person would do. As much as it pains me to say it, if you count yourself among these rational souls… You’re not just insensitive, you’re wrong.

And in my family, being wrong is a hell they will fight tooth and nail not to experience.

I’ve spent many years up to my eyeballs in emotional investment when it comes to my immediate family, always looking to make sure everyone’s taken care of, from my youngest sister to my parents. Fixing everything was always the primary directive. I’ll admit that’s a broad directive to have, but it’s what I saddled myself with from about eight years old onward.

Moving in with N and Mom 2.0 is the first step I’ve ever made towards detaching myself from that knot, and it’s not an easy one. I love my family, for better or worse, and I worry constantly about the effect this is going to have on them. I’m going to miss them, and I know that there’s no way that I’m going to be able to detach right off to a point where I won’t want to get involved in every single problem that comes about.

This view of me, and what I’m trying to do, and how hard this is, is apparently not a commonly held one. I don’t know why, and past the point of finding it exceedingly offensive and resenting the hell out of it, I’m going to do my best to no longer consider it a concern.

Families should always stay together, but if it’d be healthier and necessary for them to get some time apart to grow, then an emotional chokehold to keep them in place is not the answer. And someone has to make the decision to make the next step, whether it be the parent or the child. Like I said, it’s a forced evolution. But it’s evolution just the same. Potential is never reached if one remains in stasis.

The opinion of one being brought to light makes me wonder how far this is filtering out. Any major dramatic event in my family tends to spread like wildfire, but you can never tell how fast it’s going, and to which branches of that poison fruit bearing tree. We’re a nice big bunch of soap opera writers and tabloid reporters, and it gets old fast.

I think people who claim to care about things might want to check where these opinions are coming from, why they think them, and if offering up what they have to say is really all that helpful in a stressful time where everyone who is actually involved in the situation is having a hard enough time trying to figure out how to stabilize their lives again.

When family is in trouble, you offer your help, and then you shut the hell up. You offer what you think when they ask you for it, and if you’re clearly not helping them, you drop it. You will not help anything by opening your mouth. I guarantee it. I know it because I’ve not only experienced it and am experiencing it now, but I’ve seen it too often for it not to be obvious.

And as far as whoever in my family thinks, or will think, that I’m doing something wrong here by trying to figure out how to have a life, we don’t need to continue to talk. I have other family, blood and otherwise, who get it. And who want to see me make that next step so I can grow into whoever I’m going to be.

There. And now I’m off my ragey little soap box.

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~ by Sara on December 2, 2011.

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