For the Dysfunctional Soul.

I’ve noticed that when you come from a dysfunctional family, you tend to collect a different kind of family like postage stamps. These people are a whole new breed than what you’re used to; some of them may even be living this magical experience known as a well adjusted life.

Totally trippy, man.

Now how I got to notice these things is another post for another time. I’m sure entire anthropological studies could be done on families who take the kids with a sign that says ‘Damaged Goods’ over their heads as one of their own.

This time, I’m going to go for a less fuzzy, but still reaffirming view. Being around people who love and care about you, who’ve done so much for you to prove that blood really isn’t thicker than water (I’m talking metaphorical blood, work with me here.), can make you feel fantastic. To everyone who’s ever done this for me, I will never feel anything but gratitude. (And maybe occasionally like I’m watching a different species on the NatGeo channel.)

But they can make you feel alien sometimes (hence that nature documentary feel), and in all that caring and nurturing, can make you feel like you’ve really just been going about it all wrong. And by ‘it’, I mean life.

This is not their fault. It is not even yours. It is what it is, and as the Dysfunctional Soul in this equation, it will likely never go away. Certainly hasn’t happened for me yet.

But I will say this: fellow Dysfunctional Souls, it doesn’t matter wherever you land in the spectrum of issues, from great to small. In a number of instances on the great Tilt-a-Whirl of life, you do have the upper hand.

Because you know.

You know what it’s like to want to cry until you scream, scream until you laugh, laugh until you’re crying again. And you also know what it’s like to do none of these things, to just keep moving on to the next Thing, because there will always be a Thing. Or five. Or twenty five.

You know the other side of the coin, the side of life that well adjusted people cannot and often will not cope with. Again, this is not your fault. It is not theirs. It just is. And you know that too.

More often than not, you can see the shit coming long before it hits the fan. And when you can’t, if you’re able, you’ll still keep moving.

You know that it’s not impossible, even when you say it is, because if it wasn’t, no one would’ve gone before you. And you know just how to appreciate those trailblazers.

Even when it doesn’t work out, some part of you knows to keep dreaming, because that’s what keeps you going. And you’ll go long past the time when the light from those dreams has gone out. That’s you, and that’s how it should be.

There is nothing wrong with you. And that’ll be hard to swallow, because deep down, you’re still thinking there has to be. I know. I feel that way all the time. But I also know that in that particular instance, I’m wrong. There might be bits and pieces to tweak, and maybe there’s a chunk or three, but that doesn’t mean the whole isn’t doing just fine.

I know that. And you know that too.

Look for those people to help you out and show you the way, and give back to them for all they give you when you can. But don’t forget what you know. If you can keep that, the light never goes out.

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~ by Sara on November 17, 2011.

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